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Showing posts with label lost love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost love. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Holding Memories

Image courtesy of mistermong /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
“If it’s any consolation for you, she died instantly.”  The words of the police officer played over in Rex Bernard’s head.  It was their tenth anniversary. They had plans to meet for dinner to celebrate.  It was bad enough the accident occurred on their anniversary but they had a ridiculous argument that morning over where to dine. He insisted she drive and meet him at the restaurant near his office.  Her argument was she didn’t like driving in unfamiliar areas, but she finally agreed.  Jill got lost.   She impetuously drove along the foreign streets trying to find the restaurant and missed the stop sign. A truck hit the side of her car.  She died instantly.

It was his first day back to the office since Jill’s death the month before. All the sympathetic stares and well-meaning words had exhausted him.  He couldn’t wait to return home to rest.  But he was reluctant to enter the empty house. It felt so cold and lonely since Jill was gone. A light rain dotted the sidewalk as he made his way to the door. He hesitated a moment before turning the key, not sure if it was the rain or tears that moistened his face.

Flipping on the light he saw something glistening on the kitchen table.  Feeling a sudden wave of vertigo he grabbed the doorframe to steady himself.   There on the kitchen table sat a gold frame holding a picture of him and Jill taken the night he proposed.  Rex picked it up looking at the image of the happy couple gazing at each other with eyes silently speaking love. He clutched the picture to his chest and wept.  He was puzzled at how the picture appeared on the kitchen table - and why?

The next night, still insisting on blocking happiness from his life, he was hit with another surprise.  Small pink roses sat on the kitchen table – the kind that made up Jill’s wedding bouquet.  Rex sat down at the table picking up the bouquet breathing in the delicate scent.  He caressed the soft fresh flowers thinking of their wedding day, picturing how beautiful Jill was and how happy they had been.  Again he sat weeping, blaming himself for her death and wondering how and why the flowers appeared.

Rex hurried home from work the next night to see what surprise awaited him.  On the kitchen table sat an opened cookbook.  He picked it up, “BBQ Meat Balls” he chuckled as he fingered the pages stained with BBQ sauce.  The first meal she made after they had gotten married. He laughed thinking of that night, picturing Jill and the kitchen splattered with the sauce.  He remembered how he wiped her cheek and kissed her sauce-splattered nose.  These memories were replacing the pain-filled places in his heart with joy.  But again he resisted the warmth of memories. Instead he embraced pain and regret as the sentinel to keep happiness from entering his devastated heart.

Nothing showed up for several weeks, until one night something sparkled brightly on the table.  Rex could not believe what he saw; there it was Jill’s wedding ring.   Hoping to ease his pain he had buried the ring with her. To keep it, he thought, would cause too much grief. Now all this was too much for him to handle.  Who was playing this trick on him? How were these items appearing? 

Later that night Rex was awaken by a dazzling light cascading over the bedroom walls.  There in the light blue radiance, looking beautiful like a princess stood Jill.  She reached her arms out toward him and in a soft voice said, “Rex don’t be tortured by my death.  Death is just another step in our existence.  I did not leave you. I only died and moved from this life to experience the beauty of the next.   One day we will be together again.  Be happy. Don’t waste life with regrets and sadness. Fill you heart with happiness and memories of the love we shared.  I left those memories for you, to remind you our time together was precious.  Keep the memories close. Remember me but enjoy and live the life you have now.”  She then blew him a kiss and disappeared. 

Rex sat in the dark room feeling a loving warmth embrace him.  He would hold these loving memories his wife gave him in his heart for all time. 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Observing the Coffee Shop People... And a Little Love and Passion - Entry 3


 Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This story started as I sat at the coffee shop on writing days observing people for character development.

Reading over it one day I  decided to write a short story based on the characters.  I kept it in the form of a journal.


December 6….
Been busy preparing for the holidays now.   Worked very hard on hiking story, finished it and sent it out to several friends to read.  This could be a mistake since these friends are not writers.

Here I am, back at the coffee shop.  Need to clear up my writer’s block.   I get scared sometimes – maybe I have no ideas for stories; or I could have too many.  Maybe this whole crazy notion to be a writer in my retirement years is just that, a crazy notion.  I must want something out of this part of life.

Trying to write. I have been exercising to motivate my mind.  Physical activity and the brain must be connected some how, though I certainly haven’t found the connection out running the track.  Keep ‘looking for the words’. Where are they?

Today’s characters…two old people.

She intensely reads the paper.  Dresses for comfort not for style, but is style important when you are elderly?   Her bulky sweatshirt seems to be the only means of keeping the cold winter temperatures away.  Her stocking cap sits snuggly on her short thin gray hair.  Maybe no one told her that her hair was pretty.  She has an Eleanor Roosevelt look to her.  You can see at no time in her life was she a beauty, but her intense concentration on her newspaper shows a search for knowledge, for information.  She defiantly does not want to live her life uninformed.  To her being ignorant to the facts of the world around her would be a violation of life.

Her husband approaches the table after searching the bookstore.  He is also a well-seasoned reader.  Odd couple they are.  Even in his advanced years it can be seen he has always been better looking than her.   Society always wonders why is a good-looking man with such a homely woman? 

Question of mankind again: why must the woman be beautiful?   Why do we question this situation when it exists, homely woman - good looking-man?  Look at birds; the peacock is the stunning bird while the peahen is the drab and plain bird, but look at what she can produce.  The ugly man with the beautiful woman, good for him they say.  The handsome man with the ugly woman raises the question, what is wrong with him?  Has anyone ever thought some people may look at the inner soul and not the outer wrapping?  Many wonderful people are overlooked just because they are not beautiful.  Shame on us!....



© Copyright 2013   Eileen A Partak

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Observing the Coffee Shop People... And a Little Love and Passion - Entry 2

Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This started as a writing exercise as I sat at the coffee shop observing people for character development.

Reading over it one day I  decided to write a short story based on the characters.  I kept it in the form of a journal.

November 5….

Haven’t written or studied writing for a week.   The process does make me think young.   It does put me in an emotional slump if I don’t write…so write! 

Make room for writing. Make room for studying how to write and make room for research.  Bought study books and some sort of writing software today.  What am I looking for now, a new career as a writer or a new hobby?  Looking for something, maybe answers.  All these years of working all these years of living, there must be some answer to something I want to know.  But what do I want to know?

Who will be my character study today?  There, the Coffee Shop Couple –
They are young, but been together for a while, probably were high school sweethearts before marrying.  He is very good looking and in good shape.  She seems to have been pretty once, maybe the “Prom Queen”. Years have put pounds on her, so many she is on her way to being handicapped, has trouble walking. 

They sit and read, they must make the coffee shop/book store a regular habit.  I should talk I think I’m a regular now.  They comment on their reading but are pretty much in their own “cell”.  Him especially.  She makes comments he faintly listens, but he still loves her, kisses her when she needs his help getting off the chair. But he is missing something, he lives comfortable but needs a more charged emotional, physical life, it shows on his face and in his eyes. 

How does it happen?  How does love move into such drudgery?   Shouldn’t we always care, shouldn’t we always try.  What makes passion and desire take a nap with the one we thought would keep it alive?  Do we live too long?  Make too many personality changes so we out grow people, move on from what we felt and thought was our life dream.  Do our social rules stop us from letting our human side live as it was meant to live?

Make note: examine humans, their daily social routine and desires, both controlled and non-controlled.  Get more coffee...



© Copyright 2013   Eileen A Partak

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Eternal Ballerina

Image courtesy of sattva /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Ballet was her only passion in life
Then he entered one cold autumn night
In the front row eyes fixed only on her

Back stage that night he came to meet her
As love fluttered inside both of their hearts
Now a new passion came to her life

Every night he came to watch her dance
While no other she saw in the room
Her performance on stage only for him

He asked for her to love only him
Love for him only was all she desired
Together forever they would dance

Late one October night he was to meet
In the parlor to take her away
There she waited ready to give him her heart

Hours soon passed as pain grew in her heart
Where was he at this night so important?
Dancing she would until they could meet

She danced and danced on that Halloween Eve
Soft music filling the room all night
Patiently she waited for her only love

Tonight she watches for that one love
Hoping he will show up for her this time
As she waits for him to take her away
Every year on Halloween Eve


© Copyright 2013   Eileen A Partak



                                                                               video courtesy of Andy Partak Imagery 






Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Observing the Coffee Shop People... And a Little Love and Passion - Entry 1

Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This started as a writing exercise as I sat at the coffee shop observing people for character development.

Reading over it one day I  decided to write a short story based on the characters.  I kept it in the form of a journal.



October 29….
It’s two days after my fifty-sixth birthday…oh… almost said twenty-six but that is how I feel inside.  It is hard some days to keep feeling that I have time to reach a goal.  Yes, I feel young, and then I pass the mirror and see time has not forgotten me.   Sure my hair is silver but I was in my twenties when that started, premature I’d say then, but not now.   My face doesn’t have the river of wrinkles some women my age have, but anyone can tell at first glance that I belong to AARP.

Now here I am sitting at the coffee shop that is inside the bookstore, sipping on a large dark coffee.  Bought another book today, trying to purchase a new book each week.  Keep reading every day. Keep writing every day this is the goal for my new life. Retirement and living fifty-six years - I have to have a plan.

The clerk at the coffee shop is very friendly.  An African-American woman in her late 40’s, maybe early 50’s, plump with short curly hair, glasses and a classic face, regular looking not a beauty but not unattractive. She would be the type that would dress up well.   Seems to be confidant, caring, would be the person you want for your friend. Kind of reminds me of Aretha Franklin, yes she is my Aretha Franklin.  Her words to me as she handed me my coffee was “Your hair is so pretty.”  Fifty-six, yes I do need to hear those words.

Becoming a writer at this age is not unheard of.  Baby Boomers can achieve anything we want. We are a positive group, but try telling that to the young generation, they are in charge now.  So I dream seeing my first novel on the bestseller list - sure that is a dream.

I thought coming to the coffee shop might give me inspiration to become that writer.  Keep a journal they say, so I’m starting a journal.  If I hadn’t given up my dream of writing to be a wife and mother maybe I could look over to a whole section in the bookstore just for my novels - again in my dreams.

Observe people this will create characters, this will help me be a writer and will also keep me friendly.  Be friendly and friendly energy comes to you!  Whatever.  I’m fifty-six now, what can I say - be friendly - think young.   Oh please don’t let me be old and fade away.

Make note: Come to coffee shop once a week for inspiration. Write during the rest of the week...




© Copyright 2013   Eileen A Partak

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Parallel Life

Looking to find the path
to move from this life I am in
where hearts can live as one

Parallel life is for lovers
Lovers like me and like you
Yearning for love that is true

Life filled with passion
our souls free to embrace
sharing the love that is ours

Life and love have many parts
find the path that leads to me
to share our parallel life


©  2011 Eileen A Partak

Friday, February 11, 2011

Extinguished

Old lace stained and torn
looking at the faded past
the present melts before her
memories of her groom remain
but soon the candle dims
his face again to see


© 2011 Eileen A Partak

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dulled Brillance

Image courtesy of Boykung,/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Colored brillance
the diamond reflects
twisted

meant to blind thoughts
from reality

not love from the heart
to hold for all time

antiseptic
to numb true feelings
stifle affection

tricks to soften
forgiveness a false virtue

only forgetting
be the better choice

while she searches
to ease her soul
moving from this world


© 2011 Eileen A Partak

Friday, February 4, 2011

Lovers Connection

My heart breaks as each day passes
to find the connection where my lover resides
I search in new places
and pass time in old

My heart and body crying for its love to hold
Each moment that goes
My arms reach out farther
To connect with one that owns my heart now

I look in each place
and hope with all hope
to find the connection
where my lover resides

© 2011 Eileen A Partak

Friday, November 12, 2010

Stored in a Box

Life starts slowly with a dream
Walking with a thought then running top speed
Set on a goal finding detours on the way
Sent through a door not planned

Pictures and music
Rings and wine glasses
Plans that were substantial
Shattered to dust now inconsequential

Life that seemed real
Dreams frozen in time
Now never to live
Stored in a box on a shelf

Copyright © 2010 Eileen A Partak